


Maybe Together We Can Be Okay

by marry_me_mia_healey



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/F, Foster Care, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marry_me_mia_healey/pseuds/marry_me_mia_healey
Summary: Toni Shalifoe is the new girl and has extreme anxiety and trauma. Shelby Goodkind comforts her and then has to try to work through her religious trauma when she realizes that she has feelings for her. They help each other work through old problems while facing new problems.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani & Leah Rilke, Jeffrey Galanis/Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind & Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Maybe Together We Can Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first time trying to write fan fic or whatever so be nice. I suck at writing but I am too obsessed with the wilds to not write about it. I will try to upload as often as I can, probably roughly every few days, and I have no idea how long it will be. I hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 1: Starting Over…. Again

TW: RAPE (this chapter does not describe it, but it is implied. later chapters will describe it though)

Toni POV:

Toni was beyond over this bullshit. She knew that she would be better off by herself, but thanks to the fucking system then she had to be placed in another home, her third one just this year. The last two she got kicked out of for being “too aggressive”. Of course her social worker didn’t care that the reason that she was being so aggressive is because her foster families were abusing her. She knew that it wouldn’t do her any good to hope that this home would be better than all of her past homes, but she couldn’t stop herself from hoping a tiny bit. There was a knock at the door and Toni grabbed the few things that she still had and went to go meet her new foster family.

From what Toni could tell, the family seemed nice enough, but she knew that first impressions were almost always wrong with foster families. It was a couple, Henry and Mary Buttle, and then one other kid -well more like an adult. Jackson Buttle was the couple's 19 year old son. He still lived at home and from what Toni could tell then he was very high. “So, Toni here are the rules: no talking back, you have to tell us where you are at all times, don’t bring any guys over-” Ms. Buttle started before she noticed Toni chuckling. “What?” she snapped, Toni just shook her head and said “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about me bringing home any boys”. “Well, good,” Mr Buttle said, not understanding what was so funny. Ms. Buttle kept listing rules but Toni was no longer paying attention. Toni noticed that it got quiet and when she looked up from her feet, which she hadn’t even realized that she was staring at, then everyone was looking at her expectantly. “Well what are you waiting for?” Jackson sneered. Toni just continued to stare at them confused. “Go to your room bitch!” Mr. Buttle barked. Toni turned around and started walking down a hallway, not knowing where she was going because it wasn’t like anyone told her where her room was.

Eventually Jackson pointed at a room and said “that’s yours” Toni just nodded while walking in. She looked to her left and immediately there was a small bed that looked the size meant for a toddler, but Toni was only 5’3” and had slept in worse places before so she wasn’t complaining. The only other thing in the room was a small desk with a couple drawers, again Toni didn’t mind because it’s not like she had a lot of stuff. She sat down on the bed and started pulling things out of her small duffle bag and backpack. First she folded the few clothes that she had and put them in the drawers. Then she took out her stuffed bear and snuggled it for a while. It may seem dumb but this bear was one of the two things that she had from her mom, and she knew that she should be mad at her mom for leaving her when she was 8, but she couldn’t help but miss her. After that she took out her journal and started looking for places to hide it. Inside that journal was everything that had ever happened to Toni, both good and bad. Well, mostly bad because not a whole lot of good things happen in her life. She was pretty sure that her new foster fam wasn’t going to respect her privacy so she decided that she would just keep it on her at all times. She got up and went to the little desk and started writing: Ok well I am at my new foster fam house and so far the vibes that I get from Jackson, the Buttle’s son, are very creepy and pedophilic. But who knows maybe this house will finally be good… well actually probably not they were listing a bunch of rules and shit and I accidently zoned out. Which sucks cuz now I’m probably gonna get beat for doing some random ass shit that I didn’t know was against the rules. Oh well it couldn’t be much worse than my last home. At least this one I have my own room. I start a new school tomorrow, kinda nervous I guess. But at this point I guess I am just used to moving schools, oh well. I'm hoping that they have a basketball team so that I don’t have to be here as much. Anyways, it's like 10 so I’m gonna try to go to bed. I don’t even know why tho it’s not like i'm gonna get more than 3 hours of sleep with all my dreams and shit. 

“Get the fuck up you’re not gonna be late” Toni heard someone scream, she thinks it waas Mr. Buttle but honestly it could have been Jackson. Toni was not ready to wake up, like at all. She was right and dreams of her past tormenter all night, she didn’t even think that she got 3 hours of school. “Let’s get this shit over with” she mumbled to herself and then louder she replied “I’m up” so that they would stop yelling at her. She jumped in the shower, threw some clothes on, and put her hair up in a ponytail. When she walked into the kitchen she saw that it was 5:30 am. “Wait, doesn’t school not start til 7?” Toni asked, confused. “Yeah, unless you have a secret car than it’s gonna take a while for you to walk there” Ms. Buttle said like it was obvious. Toni just rolled her eyes, she should have known that they wouldn’t give her a ride to school. The one thing that was nice about this family was that they gave her a phone, and even tho they made it very obvious that they were gonna go through it often it was still nice to have one. So, Toni walked out the door as she looked on maps where her school was. 

Thank god Toni liked to run or else the run to school was gonna be torture everyday. She was actually glad that she ran to school because it let her blow off some steam and help calm her anxiety. Toni had always been a very anxious person, that she would ever let anyone see that side of her though. All the years in the system did not help at all with her anxiety, so she felt like she was constantly at a point of shattering. Toni arrived at the school 30 minutes early. She was walking towards that office when she felt that feeling in her chest, like there was something blocking her lungs. She was aware that this was the very beginning of what would soon be a panic attack if she didn’t stop it. Toni stopped walking towards the office and turned and headed to the back of the building to try to calm herself down. She started taking deep breaths and focusing on what was around her. Slowly Toni started to feel normal again, well her normal at least, so she went back over to the office to get her class schedule. By now there was only 10 minutes until school started so there were a lot more people around. 

Toni walked into the office and introduced herself and said that her social worker should have enrolled her. Toni was very grateful that her social worker remembered to enroll her because that was always a very awkward situation when she forgot. “Hi there! I’m Shelby!” Toni heard breaking her out of her train of thought. Toni turned around rolling her eyes wondering how anyone could be this cheerful at 7 am- or just in general. Toni also noted that this girl had a very thick texan accent that she was sure was going to get on her nerves. “Hey, I’m Toni” as she grabbed her papers and started walking out the door, “Woah woah woah, slow down there Toni. I am going to show you around today” Toni just rolled her eyes again. Shelby noticed that this was the second time that she had seen Toni roll her eyes in the span of a minute, she wondered why this girl had such an attitude. 

Shelby was only in two of her classes, she was happy about that. All though she did have to admit that she did not mind looking at her blonde hair and green eyes. Toni was excited because she had signed up for basketball that morning in the office so she was about to play. Unfortunately after asking around Toni found out that they did not have a great basketball team, but she was hoping that it wasn't that bad. When Toni walked into the locker room she saw a few faces that she recognized, Leah from her math and english class and Dot from her science class. Leah was kissed, who Toni is assuming is her girlfriend goodbye. “Hey, Toni right? I like your jacket” Leah said walking up to Toni. “Yeah, you’re Leah right?” Toni replied avoiding the comment about her jacket. Leah and Toni talked while they got changed and then they went out to start practice. Leah dragged Toni over to the rest of their teammates and introduced her. Everyone was sitting on the floor stretching when Coach came over. Toni hopped up and introduced herself and explained that she just moved here and wanted to try out. “Ah there’s no need to try out, we barely have enough girls as is. Welcome to the team Shalifoe” Coach replied. The rest of practice was spent doing drills and then at the end then they played a mini game. 

“Damn I guess those rumors are true” Toni said turning to Leah, “what rumors?” Leah said, raising her eyebrows. “Oh just the one where this team sucks ass, you guys are lucky I came in to save your asses” Toni replied smirking. “Oh whatever” Dot said, punching Toni slightly in the arm, Toni flinched because of the sudden movement, but none of the other girls noticed. The three girls grabbed their bags and walked out the doors to leave. “Hey babe! Guess what? My parents just decided to go out of town this weekend so let’s throw a massive party tonight” the girl that Leah was kissing said running up to give Leah a hug. “Hey babe, yeah let’s do it!” Leah responded. “Oh, and babe this is Toni, Toni this is Fatin my girlfriend” Leah explained pointing at each of the girls. “Hey Toni, you and Dot are definitely coming, do you guys just want to come over now? You guys can borrow some of my clothes if you want to change” Fatin said smiling. Toni knew that she didn’t want to go to her foster fam’s house so she decided that this would be a good idea. “Yeah I’m in, how bout you Dot?” Toni said, turning to look at Dot. Dot looked between the girls and shrugged her shoulders saying “eh why not?”. “Yes bitches!!” Fatin squealed, pulling them all over to her car to drive them. “Wait, I’m driving myself Fatin, I have my own car dumbass” Dot said, turning showing off her keys. “Okay see ya there!” Leah said. Toni looked at the ground for a second feeling awkward that she was 17 and didn’t have a car- hell she didn’t even have a license. She could drive because her ex-girlfriend taught her last year, but not legally. “Bitch you coming?” Fatin said, startling Toni out of her thoughts. “Yeah, sorry my bad” Toni reapplied hopping into her burnt orange jeep. 

Toni whistled when she saw Fatin’s house because DAMN it was huge. Definitely the biggest house Toni had seen, let alone been inside of. Fatin just smirked at Toni. Leah hit her girlfriend's arm playfully signaling for her to be nice. “Okay, so when are people gonna start coming?” Leah asked Fatin. “Oh probably around 11ish” Fatin said shrugging her shoulders. “So, we’ve got like 5 hours, what should we do?” Toni asked, starting to wonder if she should have come over so early. “Well, i’m thinking first we get some food, then get ready, and then set up all the alcohol and food” Fatin said counting off on her fingers as she was talking. “Sounds good babe, Toni what kinda food do you like?” Leah questioned turning towards Toni. “If it’s edible or a pussy then I’ll eat it” Toni replied smirking. “I knew it! I told you she was gay!” Leah exclaimed turning towards Fatin. Fatin just shrugged agreeing with Leah. The three girls went to the kitchen to make some food. They ended up just heating up a frozen pizza. Dot walked into the kitchen right when the pizza came out of the oven explaining how she had to do a couple of things for her dad before she headed out for the night. 

“Alright ladies time to get ready!” Fatin said grabbing Leah with one hand and Toni with the other hand. Toni wasn’t expecting this sudden physical contact and jumped out of Fatins grasped taking quick shallow breaths. “Woah sorry” Fatin said hovering over Toni not wanting to touch her again. Dot and Leah looked at each other wondering what just happened. “Oh uh- sorry, that just surprised me” Toni said still trying to control her breathing. None of the other girls really bought it but they didn’t press Toni to see what was really up. They all then went up to Fatin’s room to get ready for the party. Fatin threw some clothes towards Toni for her to wear. Toni held them up and nodded because she surprisingly actually liked them. It was just a black button up and some black jeans. Toni threw it on leaving the top few buttons unbuttoned. Fatin took the longest getting ready, not surprisingly. But all of the girls looked amazing. Fatin was wearing a short pink skirt and a white tight cropped tank top with very dramatic makeup. Leah was wearing a jumpsuit that was green with more of a natural makeup look, and Dot was wearing cargo shorts and a cropped band t-shirt. 

Fatin was right, almost exactly at 11 people started flooding into her house. “Martha, Rachel, Nora!” Leah yelled running up to three girls and hugging them. Fatin almost grabbed Toni to drag her over to where the rest of her friends were but then remembered the incident before and just yelled at her to follow her. Toni did follow and she met the rest of the group, well she thought it was the rest of the group. “Do you guys know if Shelby is coming?” Martha asked, looking around for the blonde. Toni groaned slightly, of course the Jesus freak would be in the friend group. Now Toni didn’t know if Shelby was actually a Jesus freak but she had overheard Shelby talking to who Toni assumed was her boyfriend about a pageant that she was doing, and that combined with the texan accent didn’t give Toni much hope that Shelby would break the stereotype. The next thing Toni knows she is being hugged from behind. Leah knowing that Toni does not seem to like to be touched immediately separates Shelby from Toni. Toni whips around with that same panic in her eyes and uneven breath. This time though was worse because she was already overstimulated from all the noises, smells, and lights going on around her. Toni starts backing away grabbing her midsection. Shelby just stands there confused as Leah goes after Toni. 

Shelby POV:

“What did I do?” Shelby asks Fatin after Toni and Leah are out of earshot. “I’m not sure why but Toni does not like being touched, like at all. She did the same thing to me earlier” Fatin replied, shrugging her shoulders. “Huh? Weird” Shely responded before going off to go find Andrew, her boyfriend. As Shelby was walking away then she spotted Toni sitting against a wall looking like she was now breathing normal and Leah was crouched beside her. Shelby felt bad, but it wasn't like she was trying to be mean or anything. Right when she was about to go over and see if she could do anything to help then she felt hands on her hips. She instantly recognized that it was Andrew. She didn’t even know why she was still dating Andrew; she didn’t even like him, let alone love him. She was pretty sure he was cheating on her and he was an asshole to everyone who wasn’t a “perfect christain”, but her parents wanted her to marry him so I guess she would have to suck it up. 

Shelby knew that she would get in trouble if she got caught drinking so she was only gonna let herself drink one drink. Andrew however had too many drinks for Shelby to keep track of. He was the drunkest that Shelby had ever seen him, and that’s saying something. He kept coming up to her and trying to make out with her and stick his hand up his shirt. Shelby would just gently push him off and he would go “sorry Shelby you're just so pretty” every time. Shelby had gone to go meet up with her friends again and she was glad to see Toni happily dancing and laughing. She didn’t know why she cared so much but she just told herself it’s because she is a good person who cares for other people. The whole group- Toni, Leah, Fatin, Martha, Nora, Rachel, and herself were all dancing and singing as loud as they could. Toni and Rachel were the only ones that were still sober, Shelby figured it was because of sports or something. Shelby then felt those familiar hands turning her around again. She looked and she was right, it was Andrew, again. Andrew went in for a kiss and this time Shelby let him. They stood there making out for a couple minutes until Andrew went to try to grab under Shelby’s skirt, she gently pushed him off saying “no thank you” quietly, not wanting to make a scene. “Come on babe, we’ve been dating for two years I just want a little action” Andrew pleaded, whispering in her ear. “Andrew, I know, but you know that we are supposed to wait” Shelby said, looking him right in the eyes. This for some reason seemed to piss Andrew off, “Babe let me touch you are we are breaking up” he said angrily. “Okay then we are done” Shelby said, happy to be done but worried what her dad would say. Andrew then turned and started walking away. 

What Shelby didn’t realize is that her and Andrew had stopped whispering and that there were now about 15 people staring at her. Luckily most of them were her friends, but still the whole goal was to not make a scene. “Shelbs, are you okay?” Martha asked, waiting for Shelby to start crying or something. “Yeah! I’m all good, thanks so much for asking” Shelby said with a smile and a shake of the head. Everyone in the group looked at her as if they were worried about her, but truth be told she really was okay. She felt more free then she had in years. Shelby was basically sober at this point so she decided that one more drink couldn't hurt, but then she thought of an even better idea. “Hey y’all do you guys wanna play an icebreaker”. Everyone, once again confused looked around at each other. “Sure why the hell not?” Dot decided for the whole group, she was slightly worried about Shelby still and if Shelby wanted to play a game then they could do that. “Okay, I’ll go first, never have I ever given a guy a hand job” Rachel said, starting them off. Fatin, Nora, Dot, Leah, and Toni all took a sip. “Wait, Toni I thought you were gay?” Fatin quizzed. “I am but I was playing truth or dare and I wasn’t gonna back down, and anyways you're the one with a girlfriend, couldn’t I be asking you the same thing?” “Well, everyone here besides Shelby is queer, she’s are token straight… although maybe things being done with Andrew will let her explore a little bit” Fatin said smirking at Shelby. Shelby turned red and looked down “Alright I’ll go next, never have I ever had intercourse” Shelby said grinning. She looked around and all of a sudden noticed Toni go pale. “Hey, Toni are you okay?” Shelby said very concerned. Everyone looked at Toni who was just staring at nothing but her breathing seemed once again to pick up. “TONI!” Leah yelled to try to get Toni to snap out of it. “Shit” Shelby mumbled to herself realizing that she caused Toni to panic for the second time tonight. No one could get Toni’s attention so Leah decided to help her stand and lead her outside, only Fatin and Shelby followed. At this point Toni was shaking and hyperventilating, Toni kept mumbling “no no no no no” over and over again. The 4 girls didn’t know what to do, that when Shelby remembered something. “Okay guys, I think she is having a panic attack. I once read that cold water can help” Shelby said. “We’ll go get some!” Leah yelled, dragging Fatin with her. Now it was just Shelby and Toni.

Even though Shelby knew that Toni didn’t like being touched, not touching her wasn’t working so she decided that she would try something new. “Toni, this is Shelby, you are okay and you are safe. I am going to wrap my arms around you. Is that okay? I just need a shake or nod of the head” Shelby said calmly trying not to show how scared she was for the shaking girl. All of sudden Toni leaned forward and threw up. “Oh shit!” Shelby exclaimed jumping backwards. Shelby could tell that it was going to happen again so she stood up and grabbed Toni’s hair to hold it back. All she wanted to do was comfort the girl, but she didn’t know how. She then looked up and realized that people were staring and so she decided that at this point Toni couldn’t freak out much more and picked her up. At first Toni’s eyes did show even more panic but Shelby was talking to Toni the whole time telling her what she was going to do. Shelby hoped that she was making the girl feel at least a little bit more in control. Shelby didn’t stop walking until she got to her truck. She set Toni in the bed of her truck and then climbed in with her. She grabbed Toni and pulled her against her chest. Toni had now been hyperventilating for 35 minutes and had thrown up 4 times- 1 of those times on Shelby, but Shelby didn’t care. “Okay Toni, we're going to keep working on breathing,” Shelby said holding Toni’s hands above her head so that air could travel easier throughout her body. Shelby kept counting and holding Toni for another hour. Toni was finally coherent and could talk, barely, but she could. “Where- what- ?” Toni tried to say as she was looking around. “Hey hey hey it’s okay, you’re okay, I got you” Shelby said softly. Shelby just kept holding Toni while stroking her back. There were tears running down both of the girls faces from how intense that whole situation was. “Thank you” Toni whispered looking absolutely exhausted. “Okay Toni what do you want to do? Do you want me to take you home, my house, or to one of the other girls' houses?” Shelby said unsure of what to do now that Toni had finally calmed down. Oh shit she thought, the other girls she forgot that Leah and Fatin went to go get water, oh well. 

Shelby then looked down to see what Toni’s answer to her question was and she realized that Toni was asleep. Now Shelby really didn’t know what to do, she didn’t want to wake her up but she also knew that her friends were probably worried about both of them, but mainly Toni. So, Shelby decided to pick Toni up once more to bring her back inside to Fatin’s house. She didn’t even know where Toni lived so it’s not like she could take her there. It was about 4:30 am at this point and everyone had left the party so now it was just her and her friends, Shelby knew her friends were here because their cars were still here. She walked up to the door and tried her best to ring the doorbell without waking up Toni, but Toni stirred a little bit in her sleep. Luckily she settled back down and snuggled into Shelby’s arms again. “Oh thank god!!” Leah sighed with relief. We've been looking for you two for the past hour. “Okay why don’t you put her here on the couch and then you can run upstairs and change” Fatin said pointing first to the couch and then the throw up of Shelby’s outfit which she had completely forgotten about. Shelby set Toni down and left her to Dot, Leah, and Fatin to take care of. She ran upstairs and started crying once again because that was one of the most intense situations that she had ever been in and she didn’t even want to imagine what Toni was going through that whole time. Nora was in Fatin’s room when Shelby walked in. First, Nora let Shelby get changed and then she went over and hugged her. Shleby melted into her arms crying that she was scared. Nora comforted Shelby for 10 more minutes and then both of them headed downstairs to see what everyone else was doing. 

“Okay we probably shouldn’t ask her to tell us what happened when she wakes up, obviously it was really intense and we don’t want to send her into another 2 hour long panic attack” Fatin whispered to Leah. “Oh definitely, I just wish I could have been more helpful, I mean I get panic attacks every once in a while but I’ve never seen anyone have one before” Leah replied looking pitifully at Toni. “Babe, I didn’t know you have panic attacks, how come you never told me?” Fatin asked gently, putting her hand on Leah’s leg. “Well, I used to get them a lot when the whole Jeff thing happened but after a couple of years of therapy then they aren’t as bad” Leah said looking down at her hands. “Okay well don’t ever be afraid to call me if you have another one okay babe?” “Okay thanks Fatin”. This whole conversation then Shelby's just been standing at the bottom of the stairs unsure of what to do. Fatin looked up and realized that Shelby was standing there. “Hey Shelbs come here” Fatin said, patting the floor next to her. Shelby walked over and sat down. “Shelby, what happened? Where did you guys go? How did you get her to calm down?” Leah asked rapidly. “Well, she started throwing up, I think because of how anxious she was because she hadn’t had anything to drink tonight. I got scared and brought her to my truck just wanting to give her some privacy because everyone started staring at her. I put her in the bed of my truck and then climbed in with her. I have a blanket back there so I took that and wrapped it around us, but she was shaking so much and I didn’t know what to do so I just pulled her onto my lap and held her there for an hour just talking to her and trying to count her breathing for her. I feel so bad that this happened” Shelby said unloading. “Shelbs, it is not your fault, clearly something happened to Toni, I can guess what it is but I am not going to say anything until she brings it up. You were able to calm her down, I mean you literally came back covered in her puke.” Leah rationed for Shelby. “Okay I guess that’s true,” Shelby said, still not fully convinced. “Wait-” all three girls whipped around as they heard Toni say something.


End file.
